Here's our first in a no-doubt regular series of peeper-spinningly awful "stories" that we've found in "the press".

Today's champs: The Daily Mail, with Angela Epstein's unputdownable unthink-piece "I'm A Female Male Chauvinist And Proud Of It", inspired by the horror she experienced on a flight when she realised that – heavens above – the pilot WAS A WOMAN. (I know! It's amazing what BA let us baby-vessels do these days.)

Which of these statements is the most offensive, I wonder? Readers, help us:

1. "All I could think about was this young woman - well, she sounded young - cradling 200 lives in the palm of her hand."

2. "[My husband and I] both queried - albeit in his case through macho good humour and without real recourse to anxiety - the validity of a woman being in command of a massive passenger jet.

3. (On discussing how women didn't support Hillary Clinton in the Iowa primary...) Could it be that Mrs Clinton's mannish trouser suits and self-aggrandising, policy-driven speeches smack of the masculine touch - and what heterosexual woman wants fake machismo in power?

4. (Still rambling on about Hillary...) With this acknowledgement of our sex's innate weakness, would you really want her manicured hand on the nuclear button?

5. (Now Angela takes on childbirth!) Though female midwives help you through labour, when your blood pressure goes into overdrive how wonderful it feels when the male doctor dashes in to sort things out.

6. (And to end with some general flimflam...) My chauvinistic feelings may be sourced in the fact that every girl inherits the princess gene which dictates her desire for a strong male role model to cosset and comfort her.

I can't decide between 1, 2, 3, 4...oh, and 5 and 6 too. Silly me! How about you?

(And to put things in context, here's that article in full again for you to "enjoy".)