From the archive
March 27th, 2008 13:42

Ask Alison Moyet

By Alison Moyet

Dear Alison,

I am a girl, a lady, a woman, whatever, and the singer in a band. Heck, I've loved you since my mum used to play Yazoo in our old Fiat Panda! (This meant very nicely, by the way – and Only You was my favourite, in case you're wondering). Anyway, back to the band: it's me and three lazy blokes I know from school (no I am not shagging any of them) and we've played a few gigs and made a single that we've released ourselves, but I'm wondering how the hell we should do from now on. I'm already getting people shouting "get your tits out" at gigs and frankly it's not very on, but I am wondering whether I should ditch the boys too as they prefer sitting around drinking cans of Tesco Value lager and smoking fags to doing any practise. You seem like you know what's what and don't mince your words, so tell me all. Even if I should give it all up and be a traffic warden!

Thank you!

CS xxxx

Alison says:

”Thanks about your mum’s car and all that, but how should I know what you want to do?

You sing in band and have made a single, and now what?

I'd look a bit stupid giving you a game plan. How clever would that be if you were just a bit rubbish?

What if I told you to live fast and retire at 30, and you were menopausal already? Where's the proper use of my time there? Why haven't you got a day job anyway?

It’s hard to see the picture entire.

As for unappreciative punters, I could easily have a Greenham rant about thick boys who shout at women from a distance, seeking to assure their companions they really do prefer female frottage - when here the truth could very well be that urging you to “Get your tits OUT!” is not an unreasonable request at all. Not when they came for a pint and a game of pool and were trying to pot the yellow spot in the top left corner. I've seen how much rolling and thrusting these young pop trollops do and I'd want them off my baize too, and sharpish.

Your musicians might appear lazy because they are tired of shaming themselves, or never wanted more than to pose for a home-movie with a guitar low slung on their hips like a holster, or that it is enough for them to play up a storm with their mates and here you are again royally pissing everyone off with your pipe dreams of stardom road, wasting good rehearsal time talking about what you should be doing rather than doing it. You know them. I don't.

The point with making music is that you have to believe in it. That's not advice, it is the issue. You shouldn't be asking me or anyone else what the next move is, you should feel it. Water doesn't ask where to flow. You don't do it because you can, you do it because you need to.

People say to me, “Alison, I want to sing!” and I say “Fuckin' sing then!”

Make it about a career move and unless there is blatant cash to be made, it is highly unlikely some altruistic fellow is going to carry you across the road in a knightly manner.

Welcome to a greasy pole. You are on your own. Take a hard hat. Make it about the love of it and you can have the love of it for the rest of your life no matter who is watching.”