As a true blood-red horror film fan, it’s heart-leaping news for me that Dario Argento, every gore nerd’s favourite director, is finally unleashing The Mother Of Tears on DVD, the last installment of his Three Mothers trilogy. Released last year in Italian cinemas, it’s only taken a mere 31 years for Mother Of Tears to complete the mummy-fest (Lord Of The Rings, with its carefully scheduled release dates, it ain’t) after it kicked off in a riot of raining maggots, deaths by barbed wire and witches with 1977’s Suspiria, and continued with 1980’s Inferno, full of mysterious gloved killers and clawing cats. The news that Mother Of Tears had half of Cannes screaming is giving me high hopes for another classic shocker.

It’s a myth that films like this don’t attract women – there’s tons of us out here who like nothing better that to curl up with some quality gore. For those of you that are still unsure, here are five reasons why you should open their freshly spliced ‘n’ diced hearts to proper horror:

You usually get a Final Girl to cheer for

Look at Jamie Lee Curtis getting busy here with a coathanger in Hallowe’en. Now tell me that’s not a million times better than 27 Dresses.

No-one takes rape, abuse or threats lying down

Not that we’d advocate these in real life, Mrs Bobbit, but even in just your average nasty, the women respond to physical, sexual and mental abuse by chopping off cocks, dangling rapists from trees, indulging in a little light disembowelment and getting creative with an axe. And that’s just in I Spit On Your Grave.

Idiot frat boys and mean girls are the first to go

Let’s not forget Carrie’s split screen bloodbath – here’s how to fireball revenge on the popular people.

They contain seriously underrated direction

The kind of film that forces you to thrust your hands up to your eyes faster than you can say "redrum" is much harder to pull off than an indie film featuring lingering shots of Chloe Sevigny.

They deal with the nastiness of being female

It’s all there: childbirth (The Brood), menstruation (Ginger Snaps), gynaecological surgery (Dead Ringers), spinsterhood (Misery). When was the last time any of that hit the mainstream multiplex? Listen, directors everywhere – bring us gore and bring us more!