The Lipster

Fact! The best work of fiction on booze and its oddly un-discouraging after-effects is found in the pages of Kingsley Amis’ perfect novel, Lucky Jim. But until you stick your pretty face into a well-worn copy or pick it up for the first time (and you must), savour the finest description of a hangover, ever. Even my mum thinks this is genius, and she’s never had more than two glasses of sherry in her pursuit of squiffiness:

"His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum”

Genius. But one trusts that this is not what you, dear reader, have woken up to this morning. And if you have, why Lord, it’s only Thursday. Sloooow down, princess. Watch these, and remember what happens when human meets alcohol and jiggles about too much. And if you’re cut from rarer, more elegant cloth, enjoy these louche displays of smashedness if only to remind yourself why you, you sensible things, elect for the eau. Chin, chin.

WITHNAIL AND I - The Finest Wines Available To Humanity

Film-set folklore has it that Richard E Grant is allergic to booze, but was forced to get absolutely plastered by director Bruce Robinson so that he could draw up a "chemical memory" of being pissed. But the fact that he’s not a seasoned merry-maker makes dear old Dickie’s superlative performance in Withnail all the more fantastic. I feel sorry for the nice Nannas in the tea-room, though.

FRIENDS - Ross ‘n’ Rachel get smashed in Vegas

Whether you find it anaemically dull or hilariously 'mazin, there is something rather lovely about Friends’ attempt at cockeyed coupledom. Especially when they draw on one another’s faces. Yes, it’s all very amusing at 3am whilst you’re gurning into a camera phone, but rather loses its humour come sunrise. You used a permanent marker? ON MY FACE?

BLACK BOOKS - Dylan Moran

If you’re a little bit in love with clever charismatic Irish sorts like what I am, Dylan Moran’s just the chap. And for a bloke with breath like a wheelie bin, he’s remarkably articulate on the subject of wine. “It's all rubbish!”, he says, “Nobody is prepared to admit that wine doesn't have a taste”. Long suffering shop slave Manny rather questions this with “Of course you can't taste anything, you smoke, like, eighty ba-jillion cigarettes a day!”. A pause. Manny: “What's that you're eating?”. Bernard: “It's some sort of delicious biscuit” Manny: “It's a COASTER”. Full comedy marks all round.

SPACED – Tim and Daisy do Camden

While the debate rumbles on about the US remake of Spaced, enjoy the first part of this youtubular sequence which proves categorically that tequila is the devil’s wee. OMG I blurry love you, I really do. No, I reeaallly do. REALLY, love you guysh, yorrrbruhhhhhhhliarnt. Avoid.