The Lipster

Gwyneth Paltrow got the tabloids’ knickers in a twist while promoting Iron Man last week. Her headline-grabbing behaviour? Sporting a foxy new hairdo and seven inch Christian Louboutins. Of course this led to the inevitable speculation: was there trouble in macrobiotic paradise? Was Gwyneth splitting from painfully dull husband Chris Martin? Why else would a woman have a haircut and wear high heels, right? Right? Oh, I despair.

Perhaps, while Gwyneth was pushing bizarrely named infants around Primrose Hill in leggings and baseball cap, she missed the celebrity carnival more than she would care to admit. And now she’s simply relishing the opportunity to get glammed up, show off her working-out-with-Madonna-honed legs and have a glass of fizz for once. Yes, she succumbed to the seven-inch itch.

In fact, popular culture has long nurtured an obsession with heels. Think Dorothy’s ruby slippers in the Wizard of Oz (hardly sky-scraping, but undeniably glam) or Sarah Jessica Parker foaming at the mouth over Manolo Blahniks in Sex And The City.

There are books telling us how to walk in them and Beyoncé proudly proclaiming: “I'm the chick with the hottest Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo kicks.”

Despite Madame Bruni-Sarkozy’s best efforts with a chic flat, nothing beats a bunion-inducing stiletto. Which might go some way to explain why this month’s opening of a new Christian Louboutin store on London’s Mount Street has sparked a frenzy of excitement amongst the well-heeled Grazia-reading hoards. So why, despite side effects ranging from damaged knee joints to stress fractures, do women persist in wearing high heels? Well, here are just five reasons:

They change people’s perception of you. Want to quash your image as the blandest alfalfa-sprout-munching mum at baby yoga? All you need is a pair of seven-inch Louboutins: instant Hollywood vixen.

They make you look thinner. Don’t want to look thinner? You’re lying to yourself. Everyone does. And, by pushing your feet up onto your toes, your legs look longer, thinner, tauter and – no getting away from it – sexier. Gwyneth knows this, so should you.

They upset the Daily Mail, which can only be a good thing. The paper got themselves in a right old tizz over Gwyn’s ‘fetish heels’ last week. But she’s a mother! She should be tending to her family while wearing sensible shoes! Morons.

They make you feel like a grown-up. Gwyneth has revealed that four-year-old Apple loves walking around the house in mummy’s high heels, as we all did when we were younger. It’s pretending to be a grown-up, which is what most of us still do.

They improve your sex life. Recent research showed that wearing high heels inadvertently tones your pelvic floor muscles. Slightly dubious, but this girl’s willing to believe it.

The point is that high heels work like Samson’s hair. We can function without them, but we’re more powerful (and sexy) with them. So if you're with me, see you in the queue at Louboutin...

Christian Louboutin, 17 Mount Street, W1K 2RJ Tel. 020 7491 0033