Que'st-ce-que c'est? Le petit chanteuse tres courageuse d'Australie qui a etre...oh sod it, my français is awful: Kylie Minogue's been knighted by the French, alright, for her "contribution to and the enrichment of French culture". Bof, and, if you will, ooh la la.

In a glittering ceremony in gay Paris this morning, and shortly after dropping her medal on the floor (quelle embarrassement), the French culture and communications minister Christine Albanel made Her Braveness a knight in the Order of Arts and Letters – an award previously given to Ella Fitzgerald, Bob Dylan, Uma Thurman and David Bowie. And no, we're not entirely sure what they did to French culture in particular, but we trust they all gave it some international polish and didn't just put berets on and make some gags about strings of onions.

But while we're all for dishing out silly gongs to proper pop stars, quelle surprise, it looks like the Daily Mail readership aren't. The nastiest comment on their report of their story comes from Jane from UAE who deems the whole business "a pointless award for a pointless person". Tres charming, my dear Jane. But you tell me your cold heart hasn't been made warmer by doing the Locomotion after several too many gin sours and I'll show you a prize menteur.