The Lipster

"I need a hero," sang Bonnie Tyler. "I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night. He's got to be strong, he's got to be fast, and he's got to be fresh from the fight." Re-release that record, I say. Let's hear it for testosterone.

Which newspaper is allowing side-splitting paragraphs like these to drop like sicky pearls from its twisted, inky gob? Why, the Daily Mail of course! In today’s edition, wise Femail sage Carol Sandler has taken it upon herself to find out who’s to blame for the news that there’s been a huge drop in male libido. And the answer? Why, silly, it’s us bloody women.

“We belittled the essence of masculinity. Even when, on the face of it, we meant no harm”, Carol explains sweetly, before bemoaning how women’s lives have hardly changed (“[we] still earn, as a national average, only 70 per cent of men's wages”, she says in a rare Germaine moment) at the same time as we have have turned men them into a “bunch of sissies” by telling them to be, you know, nicer. “Well done, ladies”, she grumps, (while makes stabbing motions behind our backs and cackling like Grotbags, one presumes). “Take a look at your handiwork now.”

She then rants about men having Paul Gascoigne moments (nice use of mental illness to clarify a point there), how we horrible cows bully them, how she wants real men to be more like slaying dragons…oh, for Christ’s sake, LISTEN to yourself, woman. If you want a dragon, read Lord Of The Bloody Rings.