The Lipster

In the inimitable words of Janet Street Porter: "for fuck's sake, Gordon!" (We'd go with "that looks like your scrotum", but it makes less sense in this context). Rammo, object of derision or strange lusty feelings, depending on which way you look at it, has got himself into a spot of bother with Oxfam. Been busy making an enemy out of a great humanitarian charity, yes?

The trouble started when Gordon suggested imposing fines on restaurants which import unseasonal food from hotter climates. Clang! Fine for fancy restaurants, but there are farmers who make a living out of said produce. And they're not charging £15 for a plate of asparagus.

"If we took Gordon's advice, we would impoverish the Third World," explains climate change minister (do they really have one of those?) Phil Woolas. "Saving the planet from climate change can't be done by pulling up the drawbridge. One man's food miles is another's protectionism."