"NEWS, glorious NEWS! Hot stories and um, MUSTARD!"

Dolly tells Howard Stern where he can stick his shock jock antics. Well!

Girl crime is up 25%. Naughty girls.

Evan Dando takes Ray to Newcastle.

Angelina Jolie, by way of Jack Black, confirms she's got a double bun-age in the oven.

Cherie writes more sex filth!

Aussie mag gets told off for putting nudie teens on their pages. Oh dear.

Plus size (i.e. size 12) lady wins America's Next Top Model!

Santogold records with Pharrell Williams and The Strokes. Together and everything.

And Cannes gets ready for Indiana Jones. Which makes it a Cannes opener, right? So. Excited.