PLUMBING THE SHALLOWS OF NEW MUSIC

Bah-bah-bah-baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, bah-bah-bah! Indiana Jones might be nearing a hip replacement, but that's not going to stop him returning to fight the commies and look for spooky treasures in closed-off rooms that are a bit on the dangerous side. So we trotted off to one of the first release-day screenings to bring you our thorough and considered verdict on Indy's return.

The reviews we've seen so far have been savage or simpering, but the slightly more boring truth is that The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull is neither. There are plenty of scenes to savour, so let's look at the good. Firstly, it's an Indiana Jones film, damn it. As soon as those opening notes ring out, you get adventure-nostalgic. And there are some impressive set pieces - a nuclear bomb, serious jungle fighting and a host of frightening natives. Even though the baddies (bar one and a bit) are non-Americans, there isn't too much of a Go USA! bias, either - the spectre of McCarthyism weighs heavy on its 50s' setting.

The new characters feed energy into the franchise. Shia LeBeouf makes an excellent Indy cohort, thanks to his greaser stylings. Attitude, quiff and flick-knife skills? Check. Cate Blanchett is a preposterous and brilliant cartoon Ruski who could easily set a new sartorial agenda with that snappy bob and very now grey boiler suit. When these two finally get to fight, it feels like Indy is earning his hype back.

However, Blanchett is so dang cool that you find yourself semi-rooting for the villain and though it seems sacrilegious to say it, that's down to Jonesy himself. Harrison Ford's movements are so awkward that you can practically hear him creak, while his lengthy history lessons - yes, we get it, he's clever and so is this movie, well done Mr Spielberg - detract from the pace, which is desperately uneven, particularly towards the end. And what an ending it is, bringing a queasy and confusing sci-fi twist which sloppily ties it together. It's all about that Crystal Skull, see, and if you're expecting some sort of Damien Hirst-style masterpiece you'll be disappointed - it looks like a keyring from Camden.

So was it worth reviving Indiana Jones after his Last Crusade? It's been accused of playing like a VHS relic, which isn't exactly fair - it's mostly captivating, looks as spectacular as only the spectacularly expensive can, and is jolly good fun, what what. It's only a disappointment when it's judged against the films that went before.