Put simply, long nails freak me out. I remember a nursery school teacher who was the proud owner of the pointiest, curliest nails – no, scrub that, these were claws – that I had ever seen until this woman scarred my very soul.

Granted, said nursery teacher kept all the kids in line. We were all too terrified to act up in case she sunk those pink polished nails into us, but it means I've been trimming my own nails aggressively short ever since.

It also means that I have little to no sympathy for the current nail-based fuss over the iPhone. Apparently Apple's swanky mobile's touchscreen only works when touched with bare fingertips (summat to do with the electrical charges emitted by your fingers) and does diddly squat when you drag a sinister long nail across it.

It's led to some ladies accusing Apple of being rampant misogynists thanks to not catering for their special nail-y needs and general disquiet from a selection of manicured madams. To be fair, its probably a bit annoying if you've got long nails, but we're pretty sure it's not misogyny, because if it is, then that makes rock climbing the ultimate anti-woman sport.