Showreel

Not content to hoik his money-lovin' high-trousered testicles in front of our bleeding, sorry eyes every Saturday evening, Simon Cowell's feature film about Britain's Got Talent winner Paul Potts (who always, ALWAYS makes us think of this nasty fellow) has been given the green light by the Paramount movie studio ... Classic high-school movie alert! Hilary Duff, Winona Ryder and – oh – Chevy Chase start filming the teacher-loving teen film Stay Cool this July ... Anthony Hopkins won't be having your liver with a nice Chianti, Clareeese, when he'll play King Lear next year, with Gwyneth Paltrow, Naomi Watts and corset-loving strumpet Keira Knightley (yawn) as his three very different daughters ... keep next Monday at 5pm free for the worldwide internet premiere of the Quantum of Solace trailer ... and find out what Mr Madonna (for now, anyway) has been up to below, with the trailer for his annoyingly-named new film RocknRolla...

Hot tickets

At last comes Wanted, the two-bit naughty thriller starring (faint) James McAvoy and the naughty Angelina Jolie ... The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian throws its expensive CGI-painted bottom down this weekend, and bores all but geeky children to tears ... A Complete History Of My Sexual Failures (18) sees director Chris Waitt visit all the girlfriends who've dumped him over the years, prompting High Fidelity scribe Nick Hornby call his lawyer ... and everyone else cowers weakly before the amazing-looking D-Day romp Female Agents (15), starring lots of dead glamorous French ladies like Sophie Marceau, Marie Gillian and Julie Depardieu kicking serious Nazi ass while wearing red lipstick and smoking fags ...

Home movies

Coming to DVD next Monday are The Other Boleyn Girl's festival of heaving bosoms and lightly-moistened brows ... the Jack Black-and-Michel-Gondry bonkers-fest Be Kind Rewind ... the gloriously lovely Ultimate Pixar Collection ... and there's even more lipstick and fags unleashed with the Mad Men: Season 1 box-set. Ladies rejoice, and check out these frock-a-doodles while you're at it: