100% SUBSTANCE FREE

Sometimes, despite our fondness for spinning out a story from musical crumbs, one really does tire of news. Like this incredibly unrevelatory speck of nothing we found on the NME news page....

We are glad they have 'cleared that up'. But here are some other things you really should know:

And from our World News correspondents:

Readers, never let it be said that we cannot take a piece of non-news and turn it into a non-featurette.