DOWN. WITH. BEARDS.

True pop Fact! Benji Hughes does not like mayonnaise. What a weirdo, readers. This, and other exclusive revelations, in an interview what got rather silly by the end. Although we have to say, his amazing North Carolinan accent and all-round charm was an utter pleasure to encounter. Take note, rock grumps...

Hello Benji. Let us start with some of the themes of your press bumph, in which great play was made of your love of women and beer. Is that fair?
Ahm, yeah - I’m definitely interested in both of those things.

If you had to choose one over the other for the rest of your life, which would it be?
[Does not hesitate. In fact, we have barely got the question out] Women.

Have you ever played Marry, Shag, Push off a Cliff?
I haven’t, but I can imagine how that goes…

Well, alright then. We will take three equally beautiful slash rank people, and you must to choose which one you’ll take to bed for one night only, which you’ll live with forever and ever, and which you’ll push off a cliff. Are you ready?
Oh no. Oh, man.

Your choices are Sarah Palin, Barbara Bush & Hilary Clinton.
I can’t push a couple of them off a cliff?

No. You must choose. But one you can just shag and never see ever again.
Alright. Marry Hilary Clinton, Shag Barbara Bush and push Palin off a cliff. Wait, wait, let me go back on that. Barbara Bush is getting up there in years, so maybe I would marry her, shag Hilary and push Palin off a cliff. She’s going off the cliff either way.

Well, Barbara Bush is quite old so maybe she wouldn’t want to shag very often anyway.
Hmn…

Your next three are Grace jones, Amy Winehouse and Nico, because they are all a bit mental.
Oh god, oh god….well, okay. I’m going to marry Grace Jones…..hold up, if I say I’m gonna shag Nico that’s pretty sick, right? I mean, she’s gone.

We will imagine for the purposes of this game that she’s still around.
Okay, well then I’d shag her and push Winehouse off a cliff. Oh god. I mean, I’m not trying to dog her out, it’s just…

It is a mean game, Benji. Now then, can we talk about your hair? Because I want to know if, like Samson, that is where your strength lies.
[Laughs] I really don’t know, but I hope not. That’s a really interesting question, and an old story. Would you still like my music if I was bald?

Of course.
But who knows? You might be like ‘huh?’

We are also interested in the idea of chivalry, as posited in your videothing for Girl In The Tower [see above, readers]. Is it dead?
It isn’t as far as I’m concerned, but I can’t speak for everybody else.

So what is the most heroic thing you’ve ever done for love?
Oh, wow. Uh, good question. Is that one of those ‘a gentleman never tells’ things? I want to answer you, but I really don’t know. I’ve definitely, back when I was in school, fought over girls and stuff. But I’d like to think that everybody has – but I mean, that’s not an amazing thing.

But you do come from North Carolina, and the South has built a reputation for being a place of great manners. Is it still like that now?
Certainly, some people. I mean there’s gonna be turkeys everywhere, but it’s alive in the South, no doubt. People will open a door for a lady, buy her dinner…

That sounds nice. Some people think there is something embarrassing about that sort of thing. Now then, your album is called A Love Extreme. So we must know, what is the most extreme thing you have Done For Love?
Wow…[thinks into distance, whispering the word ‘extreme’]…

I suppose the thing is that when you are in love with someone, you do go a bit mental.
Ooh, yeah. I’ve definitely been there. I’ve been into a girl and written her a bunch of songs. But I don’t know that that’s very extreme. I wish I could think of something REALLY good.

You can make it up if you like.
Okay. Well, I PARACHUTED out of this AEROPLANE one time, and then went CLIFF DIVING….

Much better. But when you wrote songs for that lady, was it someone who you were already with, or someone you wanted to be with?
A lot of the time, you’re writing about someone you want. The wanting is where you get the inspiration. That feeling, that wistful…..gee whizz.

Do you write better songs when you feel like that, or is it better when you’ve got what you ‘wanted’?
For love songs, yes - which I guess is what they all are on this record in a way. I don’t want to give too much away [giggles] but that wistful, crush ‘jam’ is always gonna be great. I’m sorry, I’m all flustered. What a horrible interview. I’m glad you got this on tape.

Not at all, Benji. Now then, some of the press you’ve received has mentioned similarities between you and Beck. How do you feel about that?
Well, I’ve never owned a Beck album, but I think he’s had some cool jams. I understand why people say it, and I think they genuinely mean it as a compliment. You know, it’s just people trying to find someone to compare me to. I mean, he’s white, he uses electronic beats, and he has acoustic guitar on it and stuff. His name starts with a ‘b’! I don’t take offence, I know enough to know he’s pretty darn good. And I like it a lot better than being compared to Matchbox 20, or Creed

Do you also believe the human race was descended from space men, like what he does?
Wow. [Starts giggling, as do we.] I honestly do not know.

But he is a Scientologist.
Yeah, but I don’t know much about that kind of stuff. I don’t know how it happened, you know? I didn’t have that much schooling…[starts giggling again.]

So, is that a ‘possibly’?
Well, I don’t know, do you believe it?

No.
Well, I’m not giving you like ‘yeah, maybe?’ but I don’t know either. Ooh, this is getting heavy, man. I don’t wanna get too into the heavy stuff.

You are right. I suppose the thing is that I was rather shocked about Beck, even though obviously I don’t know the chap. But the idea that you would base a spiritual belief on a sci-fi novel is pretty out there.
Well, that is, but I gotta tell you, out in LA, I’ve met a lot of Scientologists. I’m pretty good friends with some of them, and some of them do go to the extreme side, and look at it from some far-out zone. But the people I know, they’re good people, they’re quality people, and although I may not see things they way they do, they’ve never tried to bring it up with me. I’d actually really like to hear about the far-out space stuff. It’s a trip.

You have a song what is called Tight T-shirt, about a girl you fancied from afar. Did you get to pash off with her in the end?
Wow….did I ever get to what?

Pash off?
Does that mean [makes universal whistle noise for ‘having it off’.]

It means to snog, really. It’s a posh English way of saying…
Did you DO IT?

Yes.
Well, I would hate to say whether that was truly ‘a’ girl, or a conglomerate. I would hate to ruin it by making it one or the other. But it’s safe to say that ah, I’m not going to go nuts over some girl that I don’t think that I can….

Pash off with?
Argh, that sounds horrible. I’m not a ‘window-shopper’, how about that?

I see. Now, who do you think has the best beard – ZZ Top, Abe Lincolm, Bonnie Prince Billie, Grizly Adams or Brian Blessed?
I don’t know who Brian Blessed is.

Oh. Have you ever seen Flash Gordon?
Yes!

Well, you know the guy who…
[Suddenly SHOUTING] RRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

[WE ARE ALSO NOW SHOUTING] DIIIIIIIVE! Yes, him.
Yeah! WOW! Oh, I’m gonna have to give it to that guy.

Now, I’m sure I read somewhere that you used to write advertising jingles. What were they for?
Captain Morgan’s? [The rum, readers.]

How did it go?
[Benji then sang it for us. And by the modern miracle that is the internets, you can hear that right now, now, NOW, along with the some giggling. FYI this is the point at which the interview descended into rank silliness. As if it had not done already, etc.]

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Benji, we want you to write a jingle for us. Perhaps you could rhyme Lipster with Hipster?
You want me to write one right now?

Yes please.
Sure, I’ll give it a shot. Oh, shit. Man, that’s on the spot. [hums to self]. Now my brain is going…..Lipster is hipster? Oh man, it sounds lame…[hums again, then sings] LIPSTERRRRR IS HIPSTERRRR…that’s so jazzy, man! I can’t do it..[does it anyway]….LIPSTERRRR is HIPSTERRRR. Jazzy!

[For anyone who might have missed it, this is what we turned this portion of the interview into. WARNING: we are shit at Garage Band.]

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Back to the questions. You have started your career with a 2 disc album, which is a pretty confident statement of intent. So are you a) generous b) indecisive or c) some kind of frickin genius?
I would like to think that I’m generous, although I’m indecisive when it comes to a menu. And from time to time and I don’t know exactly what I want when it’s time to eat. I do have a problem with that. The other night I ordered what the waiter recommended. And I was kind of uneasy, but then when it came, it was kinda nice.

Have you ever chosen a lady’s food for her?
Hey, if that’s something that she’s comfortable with, then I’m cool with that. But if somebody says ‘just get me whatever’, that’s hard for me, because I’ll be like ‘Do you like tomatoes? Do you like mayonnaise?’ I don’t like mayonnaise by the way. I’m sure you want to know that.

Actually Becca, our other Editor, does not like mayonnaise.
Is it bad to say that? Are people over here going to hate me if I say that?

They’re not going to buy your records now.
[Pleading] I like tartare sauce. That’s got mayonnaise in the ingredients….look, can we scrap this? Is this off the record, this mayonnaise thing? WHY DID I EVEN SAY THAT?

I don’t think we can continue to support you on our site.
No!

Sorry.

And that was the end of that. Do you know, he was a brilliant cove, and his album is mad and varied and sort of wonderful. It is out now, readers, so you really should think about getting it.

Benji Hughes on the internets