Guess who is mouthing off about rock'n'roll lifestyles and how they enhance a person's chances in making top ROCK 'tracks'? Why, it is Roger so-called Morton, manager of Razorlight and newly-appointed judge in a Battle of the Bands competition. Here is what he says;

"I think that having a rock and roll lifestyle is connected with the kind of people who want to go on stage and perform, because that takes a special character."

Guess what again - the competition is running with a 'corporate partner' (yawn). And who is this partner in making ROCK dreams a reality? Why, it is Intel, whose most memorable tune is the duh din dong ding you hear on telly adverts for computer processors. Marriage made in heaven. For of course, whenever you turn on your PC, you immediately think ROCK ON, FUCKAZZZZ, no?

DUH DIN DONG DING!

Let's have a look at the competition website, shall we? What do it say about Roger there? Well, apparently he is "the man who discovered Razorlight, and helped them hit the big time - HARD.' Actually that last bit is not in capitals on the website, but you know what they're going for.

"A good songwriter and a good performer is someone doing something original, is out there searching for something special - and there are many ways to do that. One of them is to get really drunk and crazy,' says Roger.

Obvo, Roger 'Hard' Morton knows a thing or two about drugsandbooze as well as womenandwine. But given his comment above, are we to conclude that Johnny Borrell has simply not done enough 'drunk and crazy?'

We will leave that one hanging there.

DUH DIN DONG DING!

Do you know, we have had about three corporate tie-ins on a news tip this week. It is enough to make one hearken for the smoky days of proper Battle of the Bands, like in the olden times when they were in pubs and everyones moms and pops came along to vote, because everyone was rubbish. This Lipster was in a band once, but they were metallers what read KERRANG! and so it all ended in musically-different tears/when I was replaced by the bloody bassist.

DUH DIN DONG DING!

Who else is on hand to judge these new bands who will presumably go the same way as Hamfatter and the other lot off that CRIMINAL nonsense tie-in band programme, what was on T4 with Zane 'Hair' Lowe, Alex 'Cheesily Ubiquitous' James and Jo 'Flipping' Whiley?

Well, we have the NME's Mark Beaumont, Dirty Pretty Things Carl Barat, Kids Records don Dave Fawbert and Manics producer Dave Eringa. Which is more encouraging. And it is this last one who says something akin to good sense.

''I've worked with a bunch of bands for whom [a rock'n'roll lifestyle] isn't the case - the Manics are very clean living boys."

DUH DIN DONG DING!

Well said Mr Eringa. After all, Razorlight could drink all the finest wines available to humanity, and they would still be unspeakably bad. Now then, who feels a sudden urge to purchase a Core™2 Processor with vPro™ technology?

Enter the competition here

ITV article