Pink Floyd, blowers of tiny minds and enemies of teaching, have a very loyal following to this day. Tho it's fair to say they're getting on a bit. So will OAP fan-dads and grans pay good money for what they're calling The Great Gig in the Sea? Or is a four-day Pink Floyd cruise someone's sick idea of hell...

Yes, yes it is. For even if you were a fan of idiotic psychedelic space-rock, there is a bit of a catch. You see, they haven't actually managed to quite get hold of all of the alive ones in Pink Floyd and got them to sit at the Craptain's table. They have a tribute act, Think Floyd USA – The American Pink Floyd Show, ie a load of old duffers who have not quite realised it is time to settle down and let the kids get on with the important business of making music. They have also not realised that being in a Pink Floyd tribute act is like playing understudy to Steven Seagal.

You know, TOTALLY POINTLESS.

Spare a moment to think of:

a) The children of Pink Floyd tribute acts. Imagine it. 'What does your Dad do, 'Shell?' 'Oh, he pretends to be someone who took too many drugs and then - whaddayaknow - went a bit mad and died'

b) Anyone who pays top whack - $900 - to attend, who as well as suffering the 'Special Captain's Welcome Aboard Cocktail Party,' will also have to listen to faux Floyd for FOUR WHOLE DAYS.

c) Anyone ordinary and normal who is working on the boat. Four days of smelly oldsters in crap t-shirts droning on about 'not needing no education' (and I think you'll find you do, chaps), songs played on household appliances (why, God, why?) and how 'Syd, was daarrrrrrk, man.'

You know what is the most telling snippet of this rock newzzzzzzzz? There is a golf course on the boat. Seriously, I'd be over the side before you could say Ummagumma, lifeboat or no.

Great Gig in the Sea - book NOW!!11!!! etc