DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR SECOND ALBUM ABOUT THE PRESSUREZZZZZZZZZ OF FAME

We considered putting a big CLOSED DUE TO SNOW sign on the site today, but really, that would only have been so we could have snowball fights, because as we all know, the internets are never closed. Instead here is a Questionnaire (completed by email) from our new favourite pop man Mike Bones, who fancies both Dorothy Parker and Meryl Streep.

If you were to go on Mastermind, what would be your specialist subject?
I have no Idea what Mastermind is, but I'm gonna guess it's some kind of TV game show. I do have other specialties besides songwriting. Lately I've been getting really good at going for days with no money, surviving off the kindness of others. It's no secret that being broke benefits songwriting and vice versa.

If you were stranded on a desert island, and you became so hungry that you absolutely HAD to eat a part of your own body, what part would you chow down on first?
Could I eat my feelings?

Have you ever been onstage and thought, "Man, I'd rather be ironing right now"?
More than I care to admit.

If pop stars carried business cards, what imaginative job title would you put on yours?
It would read:
Mike Bones
Pop Star
Emotionally Damaged But Good In Bed

If your bottom was a spaceship, where would you go and what would you bring the aliens as a present?
Do you think aliens like drugs? I would bring them a pocket-full of dope. Hell, everyone likes heroin the first time. I did.

An Oscar special Marry, Shag, Push Off A Cliff. Please tell us which of these three ladies you would do one of these three things to, and why: Kate Winslet, Meryl Streep, Angelina Jolie.
OK. I like this one. Here it is: Streep: Marry. She's a talented actress, so most-likely she's incredibly self-involved. That would keep things interesting, at least for a little while. Jolie: Shag. How else could I fuck over Billy Bob Thornton and Brad Pitt in one simple act? Winslet: Push off a cliff. Winslet's responsible for recently ruining one my favorite books ever.

If your music was a pair of shoes what shoes would it be?
A pair of Nike Dunks. At one point they were quite fashionable, then they fell into relative obscurity. They had a brief resurgence and became hip again. Now Nike Dunks are criminally uncool. For all intents and purposes, that is how I see my music career panning out.

The Collaboration Conundrum - in a dream world, who would be the Dolly Parton to your Kenny Rogers?
Dorothy Parker. I want to collaborate with the woman who wrote the line "men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses".

Mike Bones' brand new album, A Fool For Everyone, is out today. It's dreamy. Here is the video for What I Have Left: